I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
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