He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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