i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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