so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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