yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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