Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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