I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize