i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize