I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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