dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are we still banned from the library?
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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