Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize