I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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