She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize