I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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