Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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