You're so nebulous sometimes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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