yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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