Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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