I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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