john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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