Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize