Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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