i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize