Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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