Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize