I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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