end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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