I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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