i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize