I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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