Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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