My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize