he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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