The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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