had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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