She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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