So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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