wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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