we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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