i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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