I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize