i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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