if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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