Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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