I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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