dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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