I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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