why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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