did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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