Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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